Time to Go, Alex
by Just Silly Me
Summary: When Jack leaves, the world crashes down around me, and I resort to the knife when she doesn't come back. And then a man knocks down my front door, claiming to be my father. Yeah right, wasn't I going crazy enough as it was? REWRITE OF CAP'T MO's STORY.
1. Chapter 1

**(A/N: This is a rewrite of the story Time to Go, Alex by Cap't Mo. It didn't originally belong to me. However, I got permission to rewrite and continue this story. I hope you'll like it.)**

**Chapter 1**

The knife clanked softly as I set it back down on the table. After checking to make sure it hadn't been stained, I inspected the cut it had made on my arm, fascinated as bright red blood—my blood—oozed out of it. It wasn't too deep; I'd done this enough times in the last month to know there was no need to worry. I doubted anyone really cared what I did, unless I was needed, of course. Now fifteen, I was off from school for the winter term, dreading the day I had to go back. Sure, I h ad friends at school, but I didn't look forward to explaining all the scars that ran up and down the insides of my arms. I'd have to get long-sleeved shirts—I wasn't looking to draw attention to myself. Right now, attention was the last thing I needed.

If Jack was still around, none of this would have happened. But she was gone now, and I doubted she'd ever come back. I'd come home from school the day before holiday to an empty house and one lonely note that had obviously been scrawled out quickly, as if she'd had little time to write it. I carried it with me every day, unfolding it and refolding it so many times it had ripped slightly in a few places. But her message was still all too visible; even if it wasn't, I'd long since managed to memorize it.

_Alex,  
__Something's come up. I have to leave immediately. I'll try to call. I don't know how long I'll be gone. Stay out of trouble.  
__xoxo, Jack_

But Jack hadn't called. And now, I was starting to think that maybe, just like MI6, she'd forgotten about me too.

The first days after she'd left had gone alright. I'd told myself she'd be back before I knew it and not to worry about her. But slowly, I'd secluded myself more and more, until I just stayed at home all by myself with nothing to do. I only ate a few times a week, and even then, it was nothing much. I was cutting up some chicken one day when I realized I was holding a knife in my hand. Having probably lost some of my sanity at that point, I decided to experiment using it on myself, and when I did, watching my blood stain the tiled floor beneath me, I finally felt better again, whole. I needed to inflict pain to feel I was still alive, and so I did. Slowly, I did it again, then again, and once more… until I was cutting every day before bed. And why not? It wasn't like anyone cared, after all. At least it gave me something to look forward to every day.

Did anything in life even matter anymore? Did life itself even matter anymore? Right now, to me, I was starting to think life really didn't matter so much anymore. I yawned, tired, and decided to try to sleep even though I really hadn't slept much lately. I kept having these strange dreams… I can't explain them since I don't remember what they were about, but they were disturbing. I stood up to wrap something around my arm—the blood had stopped, to my slight disappointment—and headed downstairs. As I was leaving the kitchen, I heard a knock on the door. Was it Jack? No, Jack had keys, she wouldn't bother with knocking. But neither would a kidnapper, especially at this hour…

There was another knock, more distinct and demanding this time. I crept to the front door and looked out the peephole to see no one was there. Hm, maybe I was just imagining things. I turned to return to my room. Just as I got far enough away, however, a loud crash resounded through the room as the door came crashing down. I swallowed back a noise of surprise as I backed away from the door, startled. Okay, unless Jack was playing some cruel joke on me, this most certainly was snot her. But who else would break down my door at one forty in the morning?

A man with fair hair and piercing blue eyes gazed nonchalantly at me, considering the fact that he'd just knocked an entire front door down. Without invitation, he stepped inside. Immediately, I had a strange feeling about this man. I'd seen him before, but where? I decided to state the most obvious first and deal with that later.

"Who are you and why are you here?"

His eyes travelled up and down me; I immediately moved my left arm behind my back. Somehow, I knew I wasn't going to like his answer. "I'm John Rider, Alex, your father. I'm here to take you home with me."

I couldn't help laughing derisively. "Yeah, that explains everything."

"Look at me, Alex," he simply stated.

"I _am_ looking at you, I don't really have a say in the matter. Get out of my house."

He chuckled—I still refused to believe he was my father. "Alex, haven't you heard anything about me? I'm not the type to listen to idle threats."

"Fine," I grumbled. "Why are you here?"

"I told you—to take you home. It'll be better for you there, I promise."

"I'm fine with the way things are. Leave me alone, you've screwed my life up enough."

He came closer; I remained frozen in place. "I didn't intend for you to end up like… this…"

"Maybe I like 'this.'"

"No, you don't—who would?"

"I would."

He sighed. "This isn't going to be easy, is it?"

"Haven't you heard anything about me? I never make things easy."

"I thought as much." He was very close now. "But it was worth a shot. I should have known my son would be exactly like me."

"I'm not your son, and you're not my father!" I yelled. "Get out!"

He shook his head. "I see I have no choice then."

"Oh, leaving so soon? Let me show you the way out."

"Very funny, Alex." He raised his hand, revealing a syringe. Where had it come from? My heart pounded wildly, leaping into my throat. Now what?

"You were expecting a fight, weren't you?"

"I always expect a fight… but how about you make the process a little easier and come quietly?"

I made my decision immediately—I bolted away from him. I hadn't gotten very far before he tackled me, almost as if he'd anticipated the move. I struggled against him, but pinned to the floor, it was all pretty futile. But of course I struggled against him anyway. Life sucked, sure, but it was definitely better than this. Suddenly, the man seized my arm, sitting on me, and inhaled sharply when he saw it. I winced at his weight and the equally painful silence.

"This is already worse than I thought," he murmured.

"Just get off!" I grumbled, flailing beneath him again. But he was obviously prepared, and the glint of the syringe's needle caught my eye.

"You're not afraid of a little shot, are you, Alex?" I winced at the exact words that had once almost caused my death, but he didn't seem to notice as he aimed the needle into me. At this point, I decided to just cooperate and let him inject me—if I struggled, he might make a mistake and accidentally kill me. I could think of better ways to die.

"Not going to sing me a lullaby?" I sarcastically asked.

He stood up now, lifting me as if I was nothing more than a sack of potatoes. "I'm sure you'll find that is rather unnecessary." His smile was somewhat sympathetic now. "Sleep, Alex—you need it."

I opened my mouth to protest, but then the drug took effect and my eyes slid shut. And finally, for the first time in so long, I was able to find true rest…

**(A/N: What do you think? Would it function well as a stand-alone or a full story? I know what Chapter 2 will be about and it will come soon and I have ideas for the plot of this story. Thanks for reading!)**


	2. Chapter 2

(A/N: Wow! I'm so glad you guys like this so far! Here's two, sorry for the late update.)

**Chapter 2**

When I finally came to, I had a massive headache—it couldn't have hurt more than having my entire head split in two. I blinked until my vision came back to me to see I was in a windowless room painted black. Well, I certainly didn't mind that. When I shifted slightly, I realized that I was lying on a soft bed, still dressed in the clothes I'd been wearing before I'd arrived here—a black T-shirt and dark blue jeans. If there was a time to cut, it was now, but I had no knife. When I stood up, I found that my shoes had been removed and that my pants were falling down since I had lost so much weight. Fantastic—my belt was gone. I cursed under my breath and tried the door of the tiny room halfheartedly, surprised when it actually gave way. Curious, I stepped out into the hallway, shutting the door behind me, and began walking around.

I half expected to see someone—guards, perhaps, or even the man that had brought me here—but the place was empty, deserted. Maybe I was dreaming. Childishly, I pinched myself to discover I was wrong—I was awake, very much so. When I came upon a set of stairs, I went down them to see a very bright kitchen—too bright. All the light hurt my eyes. I scowled and turned to leave, but then I was seized by the shoulders and my wrists pinned to my sides, rendering me helpless. I sighed and rolled my eyes.

"I suppose you wouldn't be able to help me find the nearest exit, would you?" I sarcastically snapped.

"Calm down, Alex. You need a holiday. Why don't I show you around?"

"What I need is an explanation for why you kidnapped me and brought me here against my will! And it would be nice if you threw in directions for getting out of here!"

He shook his head with a slight smile. "I'm afraid not, Alex. You're going to be stuck here for a while."

"And if I escape?"

"You wouldn't be able to," he calmly stated. "I have very advanced security in this house. How do you think I found you?"

I sighed. "Whatever. What do you want from me?"

He looked down at my arms. "Cover those up, will you?"

"Why?" I demanded.

"Just do it—you'll see."

"Not seein' it." But I took the jacket he held out to me anyway, hiding away my scars. "Now what?"

"This way." He motioned down another hallway, which I walked down silently. It was a pretty big house for one person—or two, if my mother was still alive. No, this couldn't be my father—he was dead because of Ash…

"Where are we going?" I demanded.

"The library," he replied simply, opening double doors and motioning for me to follow suit. "I have a surprise for you."

"Yeah, since you totally weren't a surprise at all."

He closed the door with a little more force than really needed. "Alex, I didn't want to bring you here. I brought you here because I had to."

"Why? Just let me go home and live with Jack in peace! It's the least you could do!"

"Yeah, one problem… Miss Starbright is dead."

All air rushed out of my lungs as I stared at him, dumbfounded. "_What_?"

"She's dead," he simply stated. "She's been dead for about a month now."

I briefly touched the piece of paper that was Jack's note. No, it couldn't be. How could he say it so coldly? How could he degrade her like that? Hadn't enough people around me died for a lifetime?

"You're lying," I mumbled, shaking now uncontrollably. "T-There's no way. Jack can't possibly be dead…"

"She is—there was a trap waiting for her in America when she arrived. I think they were merely going to kidnap her, but… well, she was killed instead…" For the first time, his eyes were somewhat sympathetic. "I'm sorry, Alex."

"Shut up," I growled. "Just, please… shut up…"

He seized my shoulders again. "Look at me, Alex," he commanded. "I'm not lying to you. I really am your father and Jack really is dead. You need to believe me."

"I…"

"Father? I finally got Ash to wake up." A girl around my age had entered the room during the exchange. Fair hair fell slightly past her shoulders, and her eyes were a dark brown like mine. They widened when she saw me. "Um... Father?"

He released his grip on me. "Alaka," he simply stated. "Is he on his way down?"

"Yes, I told him to get ready and come here." She narrowed her eyes at me. "Who's this?"

"Who's 'this?'" What about _you_? Who are _you_?" I retorted.

"Hey, this is my house!" she immediately shot back.

"Technically, this is my house," the man interjected. "And you're both my children, so try to get along, alright?"

Alaka—that's what the man had called her—frowned. "Father, he looks uncannily like Ash…"

"There's two of them?" I demanded.

"Three, actually—you, Ash, and Alaka are triplets."

"Triplets?!" three voice exclaimed at the same time. I spun around to see a blond boy who also had brown eyes. He was shorter than his sister and bore little resemblance to her. But Alaka was right, unfortunately—we did look somewhat alike…

"You'll get used to it," the man calmly told us. "Alaka, Ash, this is Alex."

"Cousin Alex?" Ash frowned. "I thought he was Uncle Ian's kid…"

"No, I gave Alex to Ian shortly after you three were born."

I rolled my eyes. "Hello, I'm right here…"

He sighed. "You'll get used to it, alright? Calm down."

"Calm down? How?!" I demanded, glaring at him.

"Why's this such a big deal to him?" Alaka asked, scrunching up her nose. "It's not like we don't know each other already."

"I don't remember you two," I lied. But truthfully, Ash and Alaka looked vaguely familiar…

"Alex, Ian wanted to raise a kid, so he picked you and became your father. He threatened to, er… sue me since he and I… anyway, I was basically forced to give him to you, sorry."

I rolled my eyes. "Why _me_? Why not one of those two?"

"He wanted the youngest one."

"I'm still older than Alaka, right?" Ash interjected.

"Yes," he sighed.

"Ha!"

"Shut up!" Alaka hit her brother on the head. I rolled y eyes at the amateurish action.

"Are you done with the surprises now?" I demanded.

"Yes."

I folded my arms across my chest. "Fine. And why did you need me?"

He turned to the other two. "Ash, Alaka… _out_."

"Aw, Father…" they simultaneously whined.

"_Out_," he sternly repeated.

Ash and Alaka left the room reluctantly, but I didn't relax even when they were gone. Instead, I looked at my father—there was no denying this was John Rider now.. I tapped my foot impatiently, waiting for him to speak.

"Well? What's on your mind?" I grumbled.

He sighed. "Alex, whoever killed Jack has kidnapped your mother—and I need you to help me find her."

(A/N: By the way, if you're interested in reading a story about a female spy, please check out my FictionPress story, Alyx in America! No one's really reading it... :(. But there's a link to my FP profile on this FF profile, so please take a look! Thanks, and I love you all. Again, thanks to Cap't Mo for letting me adopt this wonderful story :D. It's starting to become my own though after this chapter.)


	3. Chapter 3

(A/N: I am very sorry for not updating. I finished writing it, I'm just slow with my updates. Reviews will probably make me type it up faster xP. Everything from here on out is all mine.)

**Chapter 3**

"You're insane!" I yelled at my father. "First you barge into my house and kidnap me, telling me you're my dad, and then you tell me my guardian is dead and I have two more siblings. Why should I believe you after what you've done?"

"Because I'm telling you the truth," he simply stated. As flustered as I was, he somehow managed to remain calm. "Alex, I know you've learned how to lie—"

"No thanks to you."

He ignored my outburst. "But that doesn't mean you should keep lying to yourself. Look me in the eyes and tell me you're not my son, Alex. Can you really do that?"

Without really thinking about it, I did as he'd instructed, looking up into those unfamiliar eyes looking down on me sympathetically. I was reflected in the mirror of his eyes—my own fair hair having grown too long at this point, my brown eyes absolutely miserable. What kind of person had I morphed into because of all the spying? Not one I understood, that was certain. I blinked and looked away now, observing the edge of the rug we were standing on.

"Do I have to call you 'Father?'" I forced out through gritted teeth.

"Not if you don't want to." He smiled at me again. How could he smile at a time like this? I certainly wasn't. "Admitting the truth is the first step to recovery, Alex. See, don't you feel better?"

"Maybe a few pills would do a better job than you're doing," I snapped. "And what about your kids, huh? Do they have any idea what you're up to?"

"How can they not, Alex?" He gestured around the library to the books on the shelves, and I realized they all seemed to be about the same thing—how to be a spy. Had Ash and Alaka grown up in the spy world all along? Or was my father just trying to mess with my mind?

"Are _they_ spies?"

"Not yet… and they're not as good as you…" He chuckled. "Ian trained you well."

Now that he mentioned my uncle—although he'd hated the title itself—they did look uncannily similar. They certainly bore a strong resemblance to each other; I'd be astounded if they _weren't_ related. Come to think about it, how had they been recruited? It was a good question to ask him—obviously, Ian rider wasn't around anymore. "I wouldn't have done any of those things if I'd known what I'd be getting myself into."

"And that's why Ash and Alaka knew the truth from the very beginning." He scowled. "Ian refused to tell you, and he'd forbidden me from seeing you… so that's why you never found out sooner."

"But you would have told me if you'd had the opportunity to?"

"Yes, Alex, I would."

I shook my head. "It doesn't make sense. If you were alive all along, then why was I told you were dead? I thought Ash… and the bomb…"

"It was all a decoy, Alex. Ash never betrayed me—he did exactly as I'd asked him to. He's a superb actor. He was working on your side all along in Australia."

"You named a kid after that sick…" I shuddered. "He almost got me killed. Was that part of your brilliant plan too? To get both of us killed?"

"Alex, I don't control everything. If Jack was alive and Helen safe and sound, I'd have no reason to bring you here. But as you may have realized, you're here because both of those conditions have been met."

I sighed. "Okay, whatever. I guess I have to help you…"

"Good. You'll be living here once we get Helen back."

"What? Why?"

"Well, you can't exactly live with Miss Starbright anymore…" He paused. "But we can't really go anywhere until those scars of yours heal."

"That's going to take a little more than just a few days."

"I was talking about your emotional scars, Alex." He lowered his voice. "I wasn't thrown into the spy world immediately upon turning fourteen, but I was young once too. And cutting isn't the way to fix all the wrong that's been done to you, son."

A pang shot through my chest, and I winced. Stupid sniper who didn't know how to aim. At the time, I'd appreciated the near miss. Now, I regretted that the shot hadn't killed me back then and I was forced to face this now instead. Death seemed oh so inviting. My arm tingled strangely, and I wondered how I was going to cut myself tonight. I could figure that out later. It was more important to get on my father's good side right now.

"Okay, I get it," I mumbled. "I'll stop."

"Good. You really had me worried, Alex." He grinned. "All right, I should let you, Ash, and Alaka catch up."

Ash. It was a struggle to not wince at the name I loathed so much because of the man associated with it. What exactly had my father meant when he said Ash was a superb actor? Did that mean he was still alive? No, that was impossible. We'd finished him off well over a year ago…

"Alex." I looked up, startled, at the sound of my father's voice. "Ash and Alaka will meet you downstairs. Would you like tea while you wait for them?"

I raised an eyebrow. "Am I the guest or a resident?"

"Both, for now," he evenly replied opening the library doors. "Don't let them see your arms, okay?"

"I didn't ask for you to look at them either." But just in case, I tugged the jacket sleeves up further to cover my entire arm. Normally, I cut towards the crook of my elbow, so I was pretty safe from any exposure. But I still had to find myself a knife somehow without getting caught by those stupid security cameras.

I made my way down to the kitchen again, seating myself gingerly on a white wooden chair. There were only four seats, and it made me feel rather ostracized. I didn't belong here, nor did I want to be here. I didn't want to be _anywhere_. I just wanted to be… nothing.

Maybe I should just end it all. I didn't need to repeat this ordeal again. But I did want revenge for Jack's death, and I'd never forgive myself if I never avenged her…

I shifted my position from my precarious perch on the seat, glancing around for any sight of my other two siblings… triplets. It was going to take me a while to get used to that, especially since I didn't really like either one of them. Then again, I really didn't think either of them liked me a whole lot either… so maybe it was rational to reason things that way after all. Well, at least the feeling was mutual.

"Alex? Father said you were down here." Alaka. Even from her tone of voice, I could tell she was bossy. She flounced into the room and gracefully sat herself across from me, joined by our brother not long after. I might have liked him more if it hadn't been for the fact that he was named after… no, it was best to not think about it.

"Who wants to start?" I flatly asked, making it clear I certainly wasn't interested.

"I'll go first," Alaka volunteered. Surprise surprise. "Father told us you were a spy."

"And warned us not to say too much," Ash interjected.

"Whatever. Father said you've had all sorts of fun. Well? What's it like being a spy?"


	4. Chapter 4

(A/N: Yay, I haven't been forgotten! And so you guys get another chapter. xD.)

**Chapter 4**

"Are you asking me to kill you?" I growled, clenching my fists into tight balls as I glared at Alaka.

"Aw, come on! I've always wished Father would let us go on a mission with him!"

Ash shrugged. "I've never really cared either way… Alaka's just a little crazy."

"I am not! Spying sounds fun!"

"Yeah, saying that kind of makes you sound crazy," I snapped angrily. "If you think my life is so cool, you go ahead and try living it!"

"But Alex—"

"Shut up, Alaka." Ash rolled his eyes. "He's obviously tired. You know I'm not nice when I'm tired too."

"Ash, you're never nice!"

"Hey!"

I sighed. "Let me just say this now and get it over with. I don't like the fact that I have siblings, and you're not making me like it any better. I'd just rather we stayed out of each others' lives, but obviously, your dad won't let that happen."

"Our dad," Alaka corrected.

"Whatever. Either way, I'm stuck with you guys whether I like it or not."

Ash laughed. "Yeah, and you think we're thrilled to see you?"

"Hm, I don't know… do I look thrilled to you?" I retorted.

"Well, I think it's cool I have another brother," Alaka carefully interjected. "I mean, Ash here is pretty dumb. I was wondering what happened to his brain cells."

I shook my head. "It's unfortunate you both look so much like me. Otherwise, I'd prefer to pretend we weren't related."

"Too bad," the two of them simultaneously replied, then smirked and high-fived each other. I rolled my eyes.

"Do you guys do that a lot?"

"Yes."

I sighed. "Well, as long as I don't end up doing the same thing, I don't care." I faked a yawn. I was good at faking now. "I'm tired…"

"But we haven't eaten dinner yet!" Alaka pointed out.

"Well, you weren't knocked out and dragged here by force!" I snapped. "Now leave me alone."

"But Alex—"

"Let him go, Alaka." I was surprised when my father stepped into the room. "He's had a rough day. Let him have a little time to himself."

She shrugged. "Hey, it's not my fault he's so messed up."

"Yeah, blame your precious father. I'm going to my room!"

"Would you like to take a shower first?" Ash suggested as I stood to leave.

"Why, do I need one?"

Alaka frowned and took a cautious whiff. She wrinkled her nose. "When was the last time you showered?"

I smirked. "I really don't remember, but it certainly wasn't within the last week…"

"Ew!"

"Why not?" Ash asked.

"Okay, enough!" John interjected. "Ash, Alaka, library. Alex, shower!"

I rolled my eyes. "Yes, master." I grudgingly trudged upstairs, but I didn't make my way to my room quite yet. Once I heard the library door shut, I headed downstairs again. I smiled grimly to myself. The spy was back.

"But Father, he's weird!" _Yeah, Alaka, you too. You have no right to talk._

"Yeah, Father, he kind of us. But he was normal when I met him…"

"That's what I've been trying to tell you," John said with an exasperated sigh. "That's what spying does to a person. That's why I wouldn't let you two come with me."

"But you go all the time!"

"Yeah! And if you wouldn't let us, why'd you let Alex?" _Yes, Ash, why exactly had he made Alex do it?_

"I had no choice, and neither did Alex."

"So?"

"Yeah. So?"

I took a step back now, having heard enough. Obviously, I wasn't welcome here. Fine with me. At least the three of them were occupied. That gave me time to go find myself a knife…

I headed back to the kitchen, looked around to double-check no one was around, and opened a drawer. I sifted through the utensils briefly but was severely disappointed instead. All I could find were spoons, forks, and butter knives. Just in case, I slipped one of the knives up my calf, where it rubbed slightly against my bare flesh. Then I yanked the denim back down to cover the area. I tested my movement briefly, and when I found myself to be capable of walking, I moved over to check another drawer. Hopefully, this one would prove to be more rewarding…

My heart somersaulted when my fingertips met hard wood. I walked my index and middle finger up the wooden handle, pausing when one met the cool metal. I slid the drawer open just a little more. As I revealed more and more of it, the euphoria within me increased dramatically, multiplying itself exponentially. Yes. This was the key to everything…

"Alex? What are you think you're doing?"

I spun around at lightning speed, plunging my hand into the drawer while I did so. I found myself face-to-face with Ash. What a relief. "What does it look like I'm doing?" I retorted.

"Well, if you're looking for spoons and forks, you're not going to find them there."

"Oh. Well, I was just going off to bed." _Please leave and stop asking questions…_

"I thought Father told you to go upstairs."

I rolled my eyes. "He's not the boss of me!"

Ash sighed. "Alex—"

"Just leave me alone!" I attempted to slam the drawer shut as I spoke. Unfortunately, I'd forgotten that my other hand was still lodged in the drawer. Almost instinctively, my hand had found its way to the blade, and as the force of my other hand collided with the drawer, my finger ricocheted backwards, slicing through the soft pads of my fingertips. I couldn't help releasing a scream of agony as pain vibrated through nearly every cell of my body. I immediately yanked the drawer open and stared intently at my bloody finger. Aw, _f_…

"Alex, you're bleeding!" Ash's eyes had widened dramatically. I would have laughed at him if the situation wasn't so dire.

"Gee, I totally couldn't see that." I immediately pressed down on the finger, hoping I could create enough pressure to stop the bleeding. I'd definitely bled enough recently. This cut could actually kill me…

"Alex!" Great, now for the father's arrival on the scene. Absolutely wonderful. "What happened here? You weren't trying to… you know… were you?"

I let out a derisive laugh. "I don't know, maybe."

Alaka ran in then, and her expression mirrored her brother's when she laid eyes on me. "Ash, what did you do?"

"Not now!" he snapped in reply.

"Alex, seriously, talk to me." John knelt down next to me. It was then I realized that I had somehow ended up on the floor. "Were you intentionally trying to harm yourself?"

"Not like this," I mumbled. "Yes, but not like this."

And then, before I knew it, I'd blacked out.


	5. Chapter 5

(A/N: Sorry, it's been a while! We're getting closer to the end, hold on tight. It's a super fast read.)

**Chapter 5**

_Alex?_

A voice… where was it coming from? I blinked, and then I saw her.

"_Jack?"_

_ "Alex." _Jack was clothed in white, the only color in the whole room, which was pitch black. I could almost reach out and touch her red hair…

_"Where are we?"_

She chuckled slightly. _"We're not anywhere, Alex. We're nowhere."_

I glanced her over apprehensively, sensing something was different about her. And then I saw it—the hole where her heart should have been…

_"He wasn't lying."_

Her expression became suddenly sad now. _"I really am dead, Alex."_

_ "Does that mean I'm dead too, Jack?"_

_ "No… but you are very close."_

_ "I'm always 'very close!'" _I yelled angrily. _"I always have close encounters with death, but I never actually die! Why?"_

_ "Alex, you have no idea how much I wish you could be with me."_

_ "Can't I?"_

_ "No. You're still alive."_

_ "Then how is this happening?"_

She was starting to seem very, very far away now all of a sudden. _"It's not, Alex."_

_ "Jack, don't leave."_

_ "I have no choice."_

_ "No… don't leave…"_

_ "I'm sorry, Alex," _she whispered. _"I'm so, so sorry…"_

_ "If you're sorry, don't go."_

She smiled slightly now, half pained as she did so. _"Goodbye, Alex."_

_ "No… don't…"_

"NO!" I screamed aloud, sitting up straight and wincing as pain once again tore through my entire body. Dang it, so I was still alive after all. I sighed and let my head fall back. Well, if I wasn't dead, then where was I?

"Father, Alex is awake!" I cringed when I heard Alaka's voice. So I was still stuck in the same stupid house. This nightmare just got better and better.

"I'm coming." And then the door opened to reveal my father, austere expression set like a face made of flint. "Please leave now, Alaka."

Alaka shot me a weird look before leaving. I sighed and rubbed my leg with the uninjured hand gingerly. Yup, the butter knife was gone. Figures.

My father sat down on the edge of my bed, pausing for a moment. "Alex, please tell me what happened."

"I had my hand in the drawer and accidentally slammed it shut." Of all brilliant things to do. "I wasn't actually going to stab myself or anything."

"Then why did I find this?" He pulled out the knife that I'd been looking for. "Would you like to explain this?"

I sighed in defeat. "Well, I suppose it explains itself."

He put the knife back into his pocket, tip down. "Alex, why? I thought you were dead, son."

"I thought you were dead too. Unfortunately, I'm forced to pretend like I actually think you're my father," I snapped back.

"Still in denial, aren't you?" He shook his head. "You really are every bit my son."

"Alright, you've had your fun," I grumbled. "Please… just let me go…"

"Alex, I'd let you go if I could. But I _can't_. I need your help."

I sighed. "Let me guess. You'd look suspicious if you went alone."

"You catch on quickly." He smiled slightly. "Your mother would definitely love to meet you, I'm sure."

"Well, don't be so sure I'll be glad to see her."

"Alex!"

"Hey, I'm going with you, alright? Let me have my fun."

His eyes suddenly softened. "You really are?"

"You're not really giving me a choice," I stonily reminded him.

"You're in no position to be yanked halfway across the world into certain danger, Alex."

"Was I ever? Is it only now when I'm physically broken that anyone bothers to take action?" I demanded.

"I don't want to do this to you. How many times must I say it?" Now he just sounded annoyed. "Look, when this is over, it's over. This time, you'll get to come back and never have to worry about spying again."

"Empty promises," I spat out contemptuously. "I've heard that repeated to me a million times, and not once did anyone act on it."

"Until now." He sighed. "Alex, I'm your father. Why would I even think about intentionally harming you?"

I laughed derisively. "Hm, let me see… you had me kidnapped and held here against my will, landed me on another idiotic mission for the government, and managed to make me crazy enough to end my life with a butter knife. I can't imagine what you could have done."

He shook his head. "And now you're blaming me for all of your problems."

"You're one of the people who brought me into this miserable world in the first place," I pointed out.

"So you do realize I'm your father?"

I sighed in defeat. "Yeah, sure, whatever. When are we leaving, where are we going, and what are we going to do?"

He clasped his hands together, then unclasped them. "I'd like to go as soon as possible, of course. But you need to recuperate before we can go."

"Only to get myself beaten up again? Yeah, sure."

"You're going to intentionally harm yourself anyway, aren't you, Alex?" He looked deep into my eyes. "You can't bring a knife with you overseas, Alex. I can't leave you here by yourself. I'd come home to a corpse."

I nodded grimly. "Fair point. What about Ash and Alaka? Don't tell me you're leaving them here by themselves."

"Why shouldn't I? I've done it plenty of times."

I rolled my eyes. "Don't you at least have a housekeeper or something?"

"Normally, your mother takes care of them." He stood up now. "Alex, things are going to get better. You're with me now. You won't have to do this anymore, alright?"

I did not back down. "I'll believe it when I see it," I firmly replied. "Now please leave me alone."

"You won't sneak out and try to kill yourself?"

"I'm not suicidal," I snapped. "Although you're definitely being annoying enough to make me think twice."

He ignored my caustic tone. "Alright. Rest well, Alex."

With that, he calmly left the room. Suddenly, I realized he was right. I certainly would not be allowed a knife on an airplane. Great. Well, I'd snuck things past security before… surely I could do the same thing again…


	6. Chapter 6

**(A/N: I'm sorry for the extremely late update. I've had lots of other demanding things I had to take care of. Two more chapters and an epilogue left, this is more of a novella than a novel.)**

**Chapter 6**

Actually, just buying myself a knife while in America was better than risking getting caught and having it confiscated. I'd just have to get some money. But I could take care of that problem later. For now, I would pretend I'd learned my lesson. Half the fun of spying, if any fun at all was involved, was most certainly being able to fool everyone.

I ended up sleeping through most of the plane ride, which was a relief. I wasn't really in the mood to talk to John. I really didn't like that it was just the two of us, but what choice did I have? I was kind of stuck, just as I always was. But at least there was no awkward silence between us. There was just silence and nothing more. I definitely appreciated that.

I didn't really remember much after the plane ride. I vaguely recalled packing up, getting the surprisingly heavy luggage, and somehow ending up in a hotel. But I hadn't bothered to observe the room itself. I didn't even remember what color the walls were. All I did know was that I'd managed to convince John to let me go out by myself to "explore." He'd refused at first, but when I suggested looking for Mom, he'd reluctantly agreed. I smiled smugly to myself. It couldn't be too hard to get my hands on a knife or a pair of scissors, right?

I decided my best bet was a pocket knife store, Knives R Us. I'd already traded in the money I'd had with me, which I guessed would be enough for a simple pocket knife. I was pleasantly surprised to see there was actually a quite large selection to choose from, and I took a set and began turning it over in my hands. I flicked out the different blades and experimentally allowed one to brush my wrist, deciding it passed the test when the sting bit me like a shot. I closed the blades and briskly walked over to the counter. This set would do the trick.

"That will be 24.99, sir," the cashier said as I began getting out the bills to pay her. She then called to another customer. "See anything you want, sir?"

"You, perhaps?"

I turned to look at the man, disgusted. He merely flashed a smile at the woman. He had to be at least fifteen years her senior; he looked to be about thirty-five, she twenty. A scraggly beard indicated he probably hadn't shaved in days, and his dark eyes were bloodshot. The man must be crazy. I decided to ignore him and turned back to the cashier instead.

"Thanks." I pocketed my purchase and turned to leave. Well, that was easy enough. Now to go back to the hotel, go to the bathroom, and get my business over with.

"Hey, kid." The man grabbed me by the arm. "Want some candy?"

I grabbed my arm back. "I'm fifteen. I'm not going to fall for that."

"I didn't think you would… Alex."

My blood ran cold. He'd called me by my name. Who was he, and how did he know me? Oh great.

"Oh, hey, big guy. Do I know you?"

"No, but I know you."

I raised an eyebrow. "Interesting. How about I call my dad down and you talk to him?"

"How about I take you home with me?"

"I don't think so." I drew my leg back and gave him a nice kick in the nuts. Then I tore out of there like my life depended on it.

The hotel. Where was the hotel? I just had to find it and get inside, and John could take care of this. Was this one of the men that had killed Jack? My fists clenched. Now was not the time for revenge. What I really needed to do was get out of here.

The man was back on his feet now, and he was shouting. "Hey! Alex! Slow down!" he complained. "I'm not going to hurt you! Come on!"

Right. How stupid did he think I was? I dodged through a few bikers and tore down the sidewalk, weaving in and out of the people. I was supposed to be done with all this spy business. I hadn't come all the way here just to get myself captured and even possibly killed.

In all honesty, if I did have to die, I rather just do it myself. At least I'd have control of the situation.

Wait. The guy had walked in like he'd known I would be there. But how? It was impossible. How was it possible for him to have found me in such a big city? I couldn't even find my own hotel. And if I didn't soon, I was going to have to fake some serious crud. I really did not want to do that.

"Alex! You know I'm going to get you!"

_Not if I can help it._ What could I do? Just then, I saw a fruit stand and got an idea. I overturned the table and continued running in the direction of the nearby skateboard shop I'd passed earlier. The angry shout of the store owner and the big goon after me confirmed I'd done my job. I smirked to myself. Oh, but I wasn't done yet.

I slapped what was left of my money onto the counter, grabbed the nearest board, and scrammed out of there as fast as I possibly could. I didn't know much about skateboards, but I did know enough to pick up more speed than if I'd just been walking. At least now I could get lost much easier. I weaved in and out of people, looking for a city map. If it wasn't free, I was screwed. But there had to be a map somewhere.

Aha! A map! I snagged one from an information booth and kept going. I didn't bother to look behind me. Whether he was closing in or not, I didn't really care. I just had to get back and tell John what was going on so he could take care of it. The end.

I was relieved to discover I was very close to my hotel. Unfortunately, I was now in a skateboard-free zone, so I was forced to pick the thing up and run with the extra weight. But I was close. I was almost there…

"Hey! Alex! I'm still here!"

Really? Couldn't he give me a break? I wasn't a spy anymore. Was it that hard to understand? For crying out loud, I just wanted to go home!

Luckily, I reached the door, then I slipped into the nearest glass revolver and shoved as hard as I could. I was fortunate enough to smack my chaser in the face, and I quickly sprinted to the elevator. Where was my room again? I couldn't remember, and I didn't see any elevators either. All I saw were the bathrooms, but that wouldn't help me.

Wait…

I thrust my jacket hood over my head, then pushed into the girls' bathroom. For good measure, I threw myself into a stall as well, and I slammed the toilet seat down and sat so my legs wouldn't be visible from outside. Then I unrolled toilet paper and threw it all over the floor and waited there. If he was stupid enough to come in here, I was covered. Leaving, on the other hand, probably wouldn't be as easy. But I could worry about that later.

I wasn't sure how long to wait, but I eventually got fed up and just walked out. Luckily, I remembered the put the hood on first. But I was still spotted.

"What are you doing here?" a female voice snapped.

"It was an emergency!" But of all people I'd expected to see, I hadn't expected to see Alaka. But there she was. I jumped back a little and glared at her, but she only crossed her arms over her chest. Finally, I made myself speak again.

"Alaka? What are you doing here?"


	7. Chapter 7

**(A/N: We are almost done, guys! Happy New Year; along with it comes this chapter. Next time I update, it will be complete.)**

**Chapter 7**

Alaka didn't even bother answering my question. "You're the guy in the women's bathroom!"

"I was being chased!" I scowled. "Didn't you and Ash stay at home?"

Alaka giggled. "No! Ash and I hid in the suitcases!"

So that explained why they were so heavy. "Why would you do that?" I demanded.

"We wanted some action." She shrugged. "It was either that or teaching Ash how to knit. Obviously, we opted for coming here."

"I didn't want to come here!" I snapped. "Do you think I actually like this? Do you think this is just some big joke?"

"Oh, come on! Ash and I won't get in the way!"

I rolled my eyes. "For some reason, I highly doubt that."

"Oh, whatever. You need to get out of here before you cause trouble."

"You think?" I put my hood back on. "Where's Ash?"

"In the lobby."

The two of us stepped out. Thankfully, there weren't a whole lot of people around. However, I didn't see ash. "Are you sure he's here?"

Alaka frowned. "He said he'd wait for me there."

"Put me down!" an angry voice demanded. "Put me down now!"

I cursed under my breath and looked towards the entrance to see my chaser grabbing Ash and dragging him away. I grabbed Alaka and pointed. "Look!"

"I see it, I see it!" she snapped. "What are you waiting for? Go!"

"Are you coming too?"

"Duh!"

Skateboarding wasn't going to help here. I bolted out the entrance and looked around the streets for some sort of transportation, then spotted a two-person bike with a "Free Bike" sign attached to it. Go figure. I hopped onto the first seat and began taking the sign off. Alaka was on the second seat moments later, clutching my waist. When I glared at her, she shot me an innocent smile, and I decided to just go with it. She was my sister, after all.

"Do they know there's three of us?" I asked Alaka as I began pedaling down the street furiously.

"I don't know, but for Ash's sake, let's hope not."

"This is the first time I'm glad I found you two," I grumbled. "Never mind. Where do we go?"

"The van! They put him in that van!"

I snorted. "Well, that was helpful. Which van? There's a lot of them here, you know."

"The white one that says D.I.E.?"

I spotted it now and moved over onto the sidewalk. "Got it."

"That took you a while."

"Shut up!" I snapped.

"Hey, we're saving your sorry butt. Can't you be at least a little bit grateful?"

"Thank you," I sarcastically replied through clenched teeth.

"You're welcome!"

I rolled my eyes. I didn't have the patience or desire to put up with Alaka Rider right now. "Does Dad know you're out and about?" I thought to ask.

"We told him we'd be going to see the sights, that's all. Ooh, Times Square!"

"Not now!"

"Hey, you've already gotten to explore. Ash and I were going to try and find you. Ooh, speaking of which, where did you go?"

I ignored the question. At least, I avoided answering it directly. "All that I remember is that I was in a store, he called me by name, and then the wild goose chase started."

"Oh." She screamed then. "Turn, turn now!"

We went flying through a newspaper rack, but I kept going. Alaka removed a piece from in front of my face, and I used my elbow to check my pocket for the pocketknife. Yup, still there. But right now, it didn't seem so important all of a sudden.

When I caught sight of the truck again, I breathed a sigh of relief. "Thanks," I thought to tell Alaka.

"Sure. He's my brother too, you know."

I nodded. "Do you think he's smart enough to keep his mouth shut?"

"It depends. Usually, yes."

I nodded, continuing to diligently stalk the car from a distance. "Do you think they've noticed us?"

"Probably not."

"Probably?"

"Well, I don't know. _You're_ the spy."

I rolled my eyes. "Whatever. I just hope it's not too much further." My legs were starting to cramp, and my hands throbbed from how hard I was gripping the handles. Worse yet, my entire butt was on fire and my bladder was close to exploding. It'd be nice to get through the ordeal without getting hurt or wetting myself.

"Alex?" Alaka had never really called me by name before this, but I didn't mention it. "I think they're stopping."

I skidded to a stop and hopped off the bike. Alaka did the same. I unfolded the "Free Bike" sign and put it back on, then motioned to Alaka. She frowned.

"Why'd you put it back on?"

"Why not?"

Alaka shrugged. "You're weird Alex. But okay, I'll go with it."

The two of us hid behind the bushes while the driver got out and opened the back. Then he carried Ash out, who looked to be unconscious. Come to think of it, he did look a lot like me. No wonder they'd gotten us mixed up. Well, at least that was working in my favor.

"Oh no…."

"Shh!"

Alaka stuck her tongue out at me childishly, and I ignored her. The man was carrying Ash in now, and then the door closed. I let out an audible sigh. Now he was inside, but he was useless. But Alaka and I wouldn't be able to do anything from out here either. Hm.

"Should we go in?" Alaka asked.

"Not necessarily."

"Aw, but I want to go in!"

I rolled my eyes. "Then why'd you ask?"

"Wait, so I should go in?"

I sighed. "Alaka!"

She grinned. "What?"

I sighed. "Just shush. I'll look inside."

She immediately narrowed her eyes at me. "I'm not completely useless, you know."

"Yeah, sure." I peered into the keyhole but saw nothing except a dark room. "Nothing."

"Do you think he'll be okay?"

"We can only find out one way. We'll have to go in."

"Yes. You're going in, all right."

I had no time to react. I was vaguely aware of hearing Alaka scream, and I blacked out as soon as the voice punched my pressure point in my ear. I collapsed like a limp rag doll. My last thought was, _I hope Alaka's okay._


	8. Chapter 8

**(A/N: Finally, the last chapter! Sorry it's not the greatest thing I've ever written. I got burned out towards the end.)**

**Chapter 8**

"Ah, I knew something was wrong." The voice woke me, and I glared at the man now dressed in a penguin costume that also covered his face. I frowned but said nothing. As they said, idiots would be idiots.

"Alex?" a voice next to me asked.

Ash. I turned to look at him. "What's up?"

"Shut up!" the man growled. Flippers, I dubbed him. "You're not getting out of here alive."

"Where's Mom?" Ash blurted out.

I cringed. "Really?"

"Now why would I tell you?" Flippers replied.

"How about we skip to the part where we rescue Mom?" Ash asked.

"Cute, but no." He chuckled. "I have to tell you my evil plan first."

I sighed. "And what's that?"

"Exterminating the Riders, of course." Flippers cackled. "Taking that American girl was the most brilliant thing we've ever done."

"What business do you have with us?" Ash demanded.

"I'm not even in MI6 anymore!" I snapped.

"Really? Then why are you here?"

I didn't answer. I didn't have to. Flippers shook his head.

"I'm going to kill you, Alex. And your little imposter over there, who does look a lot like you."

"Believe me, I don't love that," I grumbled.

"Hey!" Ash complained.

I rolled my eyes. "Whatever. So, are you a random hater? You must be familiar with my work."

"I wish I wasn't," Flippers snapped.

"Don't worry. I didn't want to come. Do me a favor and let me kill myself."

"Alex!" Ash exclaimed, his eyes wide.

"Well, I might have done it anyway!" I pointed out.

Flippers sighed. "I'm not going to just kill you with a gun, Alex. I'm going to torture you."

I laughed. "Oh, yeah. I've never heard that one before."

Flippers didn't answer. Instead, he walked out, slamming the door behind him. Well, then. Maybe I would end up dying after all.

"Alex?" Ash whispered. I turned to look at him again. "Now what?"

"We die, I guess." What else could we do? We were both tied to chairs by rope and were in the middle of nowhere. We couldn't do anything. But….

"Alaka," I remembered.

Ash laughed. "Well, she'll be glad to be an only child."

"No! Alaka!" I repeated. "They didn't catch her!"

"Oh." Ash nodded. "Right."

"Do you think she's still around?"

"Probably. Alaka's not one to run away from a good conflict."

I grinned. "That's what I thought."

As if on cue, the door opened, and Alaka crawled in. Her eyes widened when she saw us. "Guys?"

"Alaka!" I exclaimed, never so glad to see her. "You're still here!"

"I ran off." She shrugged. "I listened until the guy left. I better untie you guys."

"Ash first," I immediately said.

"Huh?" they both asked.

"Just get Ash first," I snapped.

Alaka frowned. "But I'm bad with knots."

Here came the moment of truth. It was either admit to owning a pocket knife or getting all of us killed. "I may have something that might help in my pocket," I said.

Alaka's frown deepened. "Huh?"

"Check it," I growled.

Alaka did as she was told. When she pulled the pocket knife out, she stared at it for a moment. "Why do you have this?"

I breathed a sigh of defeat. "I bought it, okay?"

"Why?"

I shook my head. "Untie Ash."

"Yeah! Untie me!" Ash complained.

Alaka rolled her eyes and did as she was told, starting to cut the ropes around Ash's wrists. "Alex, why?"

"Don't ask."

"Fine, I won't. But where's Mom?"

"Yeah, where's Mom?" Ash echoed.

"I don't know! Do you really expect me to know everything?"

"Yes," they both replied.

"I don't, okay?" I sighed. "Alaka, if you untie Ash, he can go look."

"Why don't you?" Ash asked.

"I don't know what she looks like," I pointed out.

"True." The ropes slid off Ash's arms now, and Alaka began working on the feet. "But what are we going to do?"

"We'll wing it," I firmly told her. "Just hurry!"

Why had he taken my mom but killed jack? I didn't understand. Unless Mom was dead too.

"Where do I look first?" Ash interrupted. I rolled my eyes.

"Do what you want. Alaka, are you done yet?"

"Just about."

"Good. Okay, Ash—"

"Hey!" Flippers came back into the room just as Alaka finished with Ash's ankles. Ash wasted no time, getting up and running past Flippers. Flippers looked from Alaka to me to Ash, then went after Ash. Well, that saved me a little running. I just hoped Ash could outsmart Flippers.

"Alex?" Alaka called from next to me. I looked at her as she came closer. "Let me help you with that."

I laughed. "Please."

Alaka ran behind me and began cutting into the rope. Unlike Ash, I pulled my wrists back so there would be more room for her to cut. Therefore, it was much faster. As soon as the ropes slid off, I spread my feet apart and Alaka cut through those as well. I could hear Flippers yelling and hoped Ash was okay. Maybe he'd even found Mom.

Once I was out, I took the pocket knife back and ran to help. "Alaka, do you see anything?" I called to her.

"No."

"Wait." I stopped and peeked into a dark room. Dang it, I didn't have any gadgets to help me out here.

"Mom?" Alaka whispered.

I turned to her. "I think she's in here."

"Well done, kids." Flippers was holding Ash by his collar. I gulped and saw Alaka had disappeared again. Really? Talk about being predictably fickle. Now what?

"Put him down!" I aimed a kick at Flippers' knee, but he deflected the blow with an arm. I fell back on the ground as pain split through my leg. That was a stupid move on my part.

I flung an arm out and punched Flippers' ankle instead. This caused him to release Ash, who, to my surprise, aimed a few good kicks as well. Had he gone to karate class too? What was I thinking? Of course he had. We had the same father, after all.

"Kids?" another adult voice called. "Alex? Alaka? Ash? Hello?"

Dad. We were saved.

Flippers went flying, and Dad had already taken a chair and struck him unconscious. Then two people emerged from the darkness: Alaka and—

"Mom," I whispered, lifting my head to see the smile that came to her face. While Dad dealt with Flippers, Mom embraced me, and all the pieces fell into place. I'd found my family, and with it myself. Now I could finally be normal. Now, I could finally go home.


	9. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

Ash and Alaka were still grounded for breaking the rules once we got back. I spent the plane ride talking to my mom, glad to see her. Dad slept through most of it while the other two used a marker and drew on his face. Right, like they weren't in enough trouble as it was. But despite our differences, I liked those two. I had to admit I was secretly glad I wasn't an only child. At least, not anymore.

It turned out Flippers was wanted in America anyway, so the police were glad to have him turned in. Mom refused to say how he'd planned to torture us, and frankly, I could live with not knowing. All that mattered was that my spy life was finally over. Wasn't that what I'd wanted all along?

I'd requested to return to my old place one last time to grab a few things before I moved back in with my real family. Before I knew it, I was back. I took a moment to study the home I'd lived in for close to fifteen, sixteen years. Come to think of it, I was almost sixteen. Maybe the three of us could do something for our birthday.

Back in my room, I stacked up my soccer cards, packed up some clothes, and kept my videogames. Maybe Ash would play them with me. It was always nice to have someone to game with. And that was what I'd spend vacation doing, not chasing after criminals and saving the world.

Was I going to miss this place? Well, a little. And I was going to miss Jack too, of course. But I'd learned to start over and move on, and so that was what I was going to do. I took the pocket knife out of my pocket and looked at it for a moment. Did I still need it? No, not where I was going. I placed it on the dresser. If I really had to, I'd come back for it. But I wouldn't be needing it any time soon.

"Alex!" Dad yelled. "Are you ready yet?"

"Almost." I stepped out into the kitchen, taking a moment to look at the door. The police had come in through that very door and told me of Ian Rider's death. Then Dad had crashed through it. Everything started and ended here, didn't it?

"Hey." Dad tapped my shoulder. "It's time to go, Alex."

I looked back at the house once, then nodded. "Coming," I called, following him out and getting into the car. Dad was right. It was time for me to leave. And to my surprise, I didn't actually mind as much as I thought I would.

I smiled as I went off to restart my life with my real family, knowing that from now on, I'd be able to do whatever I wanted. From now on, I would never have to be hurt by lies and cheating and the world around me. And, most importantly of all, I would never, ever have to or need to find an excuse for hurting myself again.

**(A/N: And that's the end! Hope you liked it. Thanks again to Cap't Mo :) )**


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